Oh, hi! Thanks for stopping in to read the first entry in my blog. You’re probably my friend Julie, or maybe my friend Elizabeth, reading this so you can text me and say, “I read your new blog! Hilarious! Keep up the good work.” And make me feel really good about myself without needing to invest a lot of your own personal time or energy. It’s a really good value, Julie or Elizabeth. And it worked. That was so sweet, whatever you said about my blog, and I feel amazing.
It would be noble to declare that I started this blog to change the world or to grow as a person. But I decided to start this blog to talk about myself and things I find funny or interesting. Myself is a hobby I’m passionate about, and I’m pretty sure you’ll climb on board as soon as you get a load of what I have to offer you… which means it’s time to tease you with enticing blog topics you can look forward to if you stick around. Here are some things I’m fairly confident I can write about, without a lot of stress:
- Living with cats who hate each other and must exist in separate levels of the house at all times. Bonus potential blog title: I’m in Love and I’m Moving In! Integrating Our Pets: What Doesn’t Work.
- The benefits and pitfalls of sporadic and slow-paced exercise. Bonus sneak peek: The answers are very little sweat, and imperceptible weight loss, respectively.
- How to effectively hide junk food from your husband so he doesn’t judge you… or worse (find it and eat it himself). Bonus potential sponsor when I’m a famous blogger: The Girl Scouts of America. And Skittles.
- How much I hate olives and cilantro. By that I mean I hate them individually, an equal amount, but I think I would also hate them together (oh god).
- Ways to hide your Teen Mom obsession from virtually everyone. Bonus sneak peek: just roll your eyes and sigh anytime anyone mentions reality TV and they’ll never know.
If cats serve as rude miniature dictators in your home, this blog may be for you. If you dislike sweating but appreciate making the effort, then check back in soon. If you’re a huge fan of Drake or you want to learn how to make DIY coffee tables out of old coffee grounds, then you’d better move along.
And yes, there will be some political ranting now and then, but if I don’t entertain you enough, you can always send me an entire cake that is secretly made of olives and cilantro, which would surely teach me a lesson, because I can’t resist a damn cake.
Until next time…